This morning Brendan came into my room and proudly told me, “Mommy, I went poopy last night!” Now the kid has had some serious GI issues of late, and I’m pretty sure I’d remember getting up from a sound sleep to wipe his tush, so clearly, his happy declaration struck utter fear in my heart.
Let it go on record that the boy’s toilet looked like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, just substitute “blood” for, well, you know…
So, while my eyes still burned from not quite being awake, and without my first two cups of coffee, I scrubbed and sanitized while my kid splashed merrily in the tub. And of course, as soon as I was done, he needed to use the newly sparkling toilet once again.
Back in 2001, while I was busy trying to get pregnant, no one warned me about the possibility of days like this. Well played, people. Well played.
Husband told me that before he started puking a few days ago, he gorged on Nutella straight from the jar. So, of course, after seeing and smelling it come back to him for two days straight, the man who thought of chocolate as crack is off the stuff for life.
About an hour ago, my stomach started lurching a little. So I know I’m next in line for this glorious virus. And while at first I was really upset, the thought occured to me that if I take time now to wolf down all the things that I can’t get enough of, I too will never be able to eat them again, post puking. Think of all the weight I’ll lose! Never again will I be able to look at Doritos, chocolate chip cookies or guacomole without retching! And beer! Bring on the beer! After today, my love affair with these things will be over, and I’ll turn into a svelte size six!
I can’t believe I’ve never thought of this before. Weight loss via aversion. Bring it on.